Bad Idea- The Complete Collection by Nicole French

Author:Nicole French
Language: eng
Format: azw3
ISBN: 9781950663132
Publisher: Raglan Publishing
Published: 2020-04-21T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twenty-Three

Nico

I dump the box of old magazines into the dumpster and then jog the rest of the way up the stairs. Gabe, Selena, and I are all helping Ma clean out her apartment. The lease—the lease in my name—is up at the end of the month, and for the first time in almost ten years, the landlord asked me for verification that I actually live here and wanted all residents’ names and ID numbers on the new lease. I checked, and he’s been asking everyone in the building for the same thing.

Bastard. He knew exactly what would happen. He knew there was no way in hell my mother was going to put her name on any kind of legal document. He knew she would move out, leave her home—tiny, run-down home that it is, but still a home nonetheless—before she made herself vulnerable that way.

I have a couple of days between my interview and my physical, and even though I’ve worked out a few times, a little extra labor is the best way to get rid of the jitters I feel. Well, there’s one other distraction I can think of, but she won’t have anything to do with me.

I tried to call Layla this morning, when I thought that maybe she’d have cooled off enough to accept my apology for last night. If I’m being honest, I’m not really sorry. I don’t care if she’s with someone else, I’ll never be sorry for anything we are together.

The only thing I’m sorry for was the look on her face when she said that loving me hurt. That pain makes me feel like my guts are being torn out.

Which is why, in the end, I didn’t call her again. I don’t want to hurt her, even if it’s physically painful to leave her alone. Knowing she’s probably staying a few blocks from where I am made for a night of really shitty sleep, I can tell you that.

“I still think you should just tell her your plans,” Gabe says when he confronts me after I tell him what happened. “They’re going to hire you. Peter didn’t even get an interview yet,” he says, referring to his friend who also applied. “In six months, you’ll be a fuckin’ firefighter for real. FDNY, man. That’s the shit.” He nudges me in the shoulder. “You’re the shit.”

I smile at the ground and rub the back of my neck. “We don’t know what’s going to happen.”

And that’s the truth. I hoist another big box of linens down the stairs so my brother doesn’t have to see how scared I am that I’m going to get to this final stage and not make it. It’s the same reason I haven’t told Layla. I don’t think I could take getting her hopes up that I’m coming back to New York only to rip them away again.

I want this so bad. I’m scared to admit to myself how badly I want it—more than anything I’ve ever imagined for myself.

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